Weirdest Random IM Ever

The opening line was intriguing by itself, but when I saw the profile pic, I knew I had to stop and chat a while. This guy here is just very very odd. But he’s not really an asshat, and he’s certainly not a scammer. I have to make a category all of it’s own for him. Since he’s not a complete and total jerk, I’m going to partially edit his screenname. The ***’s are not part of his screen-name.  This chat took place in January 2008.

Profile pic:


[23:56] verysmallguy***: Hello: What would you do, if you found a tiny man only 5 inches tall
[23:57] ME:: ummm… try not to step on him?
[23:57] verysmallguy***: hi i’m Willie the tiny man
[23:57] ME:: Hi, I’m Eggsie the medium sized woman
[23:58] verysmallguy***: * he looksup at you* wow you looks like a giantess to me
[23:59] ME:: Do I now. Well this is a momentous day for me.
[00:00] ME:: So, little man, how do you type? Jump from key to key, or do you have a special keyboard?
[00:00] verysmallguy***: really… hey becarefull….you almost steped on me
[00:00] ME:: (sorry!)
[00:01] verysmallguy***: are you gonna pick me up?
[00:02] ME:: do you want me to?
[00:02] ME:: should I use a witty line or just my hands?
[00:03] verysmallguy***: hehe your hand…Hesteps back to see you better*
[00:03] ME:: Here comes the hand. You’re not wearing ice-skates, I hope!
[00:05] verysmallguy***: lol no. lift me so i can see you better
[00:05] ME:: going up!
[00:05] ME:: Well, hello little guy. Nice to see you face-to-face
[00:05] verysmallguy***: ouch…your nails are sharp*he dandles from your fingers*
[00:06] ME:: wooops, *scoops you back up with my other hand*
[00:07] verysmallguy***: oh my..ur a pretty giant. *he falls back in to you figers*
[00:08] ME:: Well… now that I have you here, I have no idea what to do with you. This has been interesting and all but…. are you tired? I can make you up a bed in a tissue box.
[00:09] verysmallguy***: really it sound like you are going to keep me?
[00:09] ME:: where would you go if I didn’t?
[00:10] verysmallguy***: i don’t know i’m lost in this giant land
[00:11] verysmallguy***: * he hugs her finger* i’m at your mercy
[00:12] ME:: Oh, you poor poor little guy. Are you hungry? would you like a pea? or perhaps a corn flake?
[00:13] verysmallguy***: well yes i am hungry..are you taking me to your kitchen?
[00:13] ME:: why indeed I am.
[00:13] verysmallguy***: *he wiggles in your hand*
[00:13] ME:: be careful you don’t fall down into the garbage disposal!
[00:14] verysmallguy***: oh me * looks down from her hand at counter*
[00:14] ME:: you see sometihng that interests you?
[00:14] verysmallguy***: are you gonna put me on that counter?
[00:14] ME:: Sure. *puts down*
[00:15] verysmallguy***: yes every thing is so big
[00:15] verysmallguy***: thank you * looks around your kitchen*
[00:16] verysmallguy***: * he move by a lare deep baking dish*
[00:17] ME:: so… you never said what you want to eat
[00:18] verysmallguy***: most amy thing
[00:19] verysmallguy***: * he trys to look into baking dish..but it is to high*
[00:19] ME:: why are you looking into that empty baking dish?
[00:20] verysmallguy***: oh its empty are you goint cook something in it?
[00:21] ME:: at midnight? no.
[00:21] ME:: I can heat you up some leftovers though. How about if I open the fridge and you go on in and explore…
[00:22] verysmallguy***: really…. ok…..* he moves to counter edge*
[00:23] ME:: *Plucks you up and puts you in the fridge*
[00:24] verysmallguy***: wow *stands on shelf* breeee it cold in here
[00:24] ME:: hahah! Evilly closes the fridge door leaving you in the dark and the cold. You didn’t know you were in the house of a pyschopath!!!!
[00:25] ME:: *opens door* Just kidding! haha!
[00:25] verysmallguy***: oh nooooo it dark in here
[00:25] verysmallguy***: oh my
[00:25] ME:: Here, let me take you to the jacuzzi tub.
[00:25] verysmallguy***: * he fall into bowl off cold veggie*
[00:26] ME:: see? All covered in veggies like that, you need a good bath.
[00:26] ME:: *takes you to the bathroom*
[00:26] ME:: *drops you in toilet wiht an evil grin*
[00:26] ME:: Enjoy the jacuzzi!
[00:26] ME:: FLUSH
[00:26] ME:: SIKE! Pulls you out just in the nick of time.
[00:27] verysmallguy***: oh my * looks up from bowl* yes i’m covers in oil and i’m cold
[00:27] ME:: well then, come with me, I know where to warm you up.
[00:27] verysmallguy***: oh my your scaring me
[00:27] verysmallguy***: ok
[00:28] ME:: *places you in the microwave and shuts door*
[00:28] ME:: evil face looks in at you.
[00:28] ME:: is she really going to push the buttons?
[00:28] ME:: No! Just kidding.
[00:28] ME:: Come on, you can come and play with my cat!
[00:28] verysmallguy***: oh nooooo are you gonna cook mme
[00:28] ME:: nooo — I don’t cook at midnight silly.
[00:29] ME:: Have you met Tinkerbell?
[00:29] ME:: I probably shouldn’t wake her up. she’s mean when I do that.
[00:29] ME:: what do you think… should I wake her?
[00:29] verysmallguy***: nooooo i hate cats
[00:29] ME:: ooh, ok then.
[00:29] verysmallguy***: noooooooo:(
[00:29] ME:: do you want to play chess?
[00:29] ME:: you can be the King.
[00:30] verysmallguy***: please let me out of this micro wave
[00:30] ME:: oh, ok.
[00:30] ME:: I forgot.
[00:30] ME:: heh
[00:30] ME:: I *AM* kind of nutso.
[00:30] ME:: I’d have to be. I’m talking to a 5 inch tall guy!
[00:30] ME:: ha!
[00:30] verysmallguy***: ur are a wicked woman
[00:30] ME:: You are a wise little man.
[00:31] ME:: So, are you leaving?
[00:31] verysmallguy***: why are you looking at me like that?
[00:31] ME:: because I suddenly feel a little peckish.
[00:32] verysmallguy***: oh me ..your going to eat me * wiggles in your grip*
[00:33] ME:: Opens mouth
[00:33] ME:: wider and wider
[00:33] ME:: you can see my uvula quivering
[00:34] verysmallguy***: please don’t eat me raw
[00:34] ME:: Oh, but I will. I want to feel you squirming in my gut.
[00:34] verysmallguy***: 8 he look into her open mouth*
[00:34] verysmallguy***: mmmmm
[00:35] ME:: *drops him in and the conversation ends there as my gastric juices sizzle him to nothingness*
[00:36] verysmallguy***: oh nooo..* he lips close on me*
[00:36] ME:: said the voice from the grave.