A Painfully Submissive Asshat

This asshat caught me in a bitchy mood. Perhaps I was unfair to assume he was just a wanker looking for an audience, but it sure seemed that way to me. Either way he should have left this conversation very early on but he’s apparently a glutton for punishment, so here it is. This chat took place in January, 2008.

[22:24] davidsond65: 39M with cam
[22:24] ME:: 38F who doesn’t give a shit.
[22:25] davidsond65: nice to hear that
[22:25] davidsond65: a bit wild…
[22:26] ME:: You obviously misunderstand. I don’t give a shit that you have a cam.
[22:26] davidsond65: well thats alright
[22:26] ME:: yes, yes it is alright.
[22:26] davidsond65: i know its alright
[22:26] ME:: Go take your pecker somewhere else and wank for someone who cares.
[22:27] davidsond65: well maybe you missunderstood me..
[22:27] ME:: maybe I did.
[22:28] ME:: does it matter? I have more friends than I can count and I’m married. I have no interest in seeing a random stranger on his webcam.
[22:28] davidsond65: not too good to jump early into conclusions
[22:28] ME:: sigh
[22:28] ME:: oh, I’m sure you are just looking to make a meaningful relationship/friendship, right?
[22:28] davidsond65: well a i say thats fine and i am happy for you that u have friend that you cant count on your hands…
[22:29] ME:: you think I need my fingers to count?
[22:29] ME:: are you saying I’m retarded?
[22:29] davidsond65: hmmm…
[22:30] davidsond65: still making wrong judgements…
[22:30] ME:: oh, well, David, please do clue me in so that I might be enlightened.
[22:31] davidsond65: nevermind…lets just let it be…
[22:31] ME:: aw gee. Ok. *tearz*
[22:31] davidsond65: lol
[22:32] davidsond65: no tears hahaha
[22:32] ME:: but after such a meaningful conversation, goodbye is such sweet sorrow.
[22:32] davidsond65: thank you
[22:33] ME:: Oh, you’re welcome. You have no idea how lucky you are to have had an audience with the Great and Powerful ME:.
[22:33] davidsond65: lol
[22:34] davidsond65: i bow infront of you and beg for mercy
[22:34] ME:: oh ,for chrissakes.
[22:34] davidsond65: to the great mistress
[22:34] davidsond65: i bow
[22:34] ME:: while you’re down there, can you get my shoelace. It seems to have come untied.
[22:35] davidsond65: sure i can anything the almighty Powerful ME: tells me…
[22:36] ME:: oh, PLEASE don’t grovel. You’re even more annoying playing a submissive role.
[22:36] davidsond65: hahaha…
[22:36] ME:: Do I amuse you?
[22:37] davidsond65: well you are not like other chatters
[22:37] ME:: That’s because I’m not a chatter. You IM’d me out of the blue.
[22:37] davidsond65: ok should i be sorry that i pmed you?
[22:38] ME:: ARE you sorry?
[22:38] davidsond65: i dont mean no harm you know
[22:38] ME:: you don’t mean ANY harm, not NO harm. Bad grammar annoys the fuck out of me.
[22:39] davidsond65: i worked long hours you know, thx for correcting me
[22:39] ME:: how would I know you worked long hours?
[22:39] ME:: I don’t know you.
[22:40] ME:: You’re the one who introduced yourself bragging and proud to be a cam owner.
[22:40] davidsond65: thats right you dont know me
[22:40] davidsond65: i speak the truth
[22:40] ME:: the truth about WHAT?
[22:40] davidsond65: can i have a break pls
[22:40] davidsond65: let me roll a smoke
[22:41] ME:: you need a break?
[22:41] ME:: Here’s how you get a break from me, it’s really simple…
[22:41] davidsond65: ok
[22:41] ME:: hit the ignore button
[22:42] davidsond65: i wont do that i havnt done that
[22:42] davidsond65: i dont know how
[22:42] ME:: well, then you must be a glutton for punishment, or you’re really not too swift.
[22:42] davidsond65: you gonna punish me for that?
[22:43] ME:: you want me to punish you now? Do I look like a dominatrix to you?
[22:43] davidsond65: im not too handy with this mesanger so some features i dont know
[22:44] ME:: but you’re handy with your webcam I take it
[22:44] ME:: or maybe handy with something else while your cam is on
[22:44] davidsond65: come on
[22:44] ME:: come on, what?
[22:45] davidsond65: why you are saying that
[22:45] ME:: Do you want me to flog you or blog you?
[22:45] davidsond65: im at your mercy…
[22:45] davidsond65: you know best
[22:46] ME:: Do I know? ok, the you’re going to get your ass blogged, bend over.
[22:46] davidsond65: oh my…
[22:47] davidsond65: what will do powerfull mistress
[22:48] ME:: I don’t even understand your last question/statement? whatever it was
[22:48] davidsond65: lol
[22:48] davidsond65: hey wanna see my pic as to see how i look like?
[22:48] ME:: uhmm… let me think about it.
[22:49] ME:: no, no thanks.
[22:49] davidsond65: im like a nice guy on the pic
[22:49] ME:: but in real life you’re like what?
[22:50] davidsond65: like on the pic thats my looks in real life sweet loving person..
[22:50] davidsond65: u can see that in my eyes
[22:50] davidsond65: if u agree to see my pic
[22:50] ME:: why the fuck do I care what you look like?
[22:50] davidsond65: lol
[22:50] ME:: Seriously? Why?
[22:50] davidsond65: well even you are right
[22:51] ME:: you again make no sense.
[22:51] davidsond65: well for fucksake u can see my pic
[22:51] davidsond65: whats gonna happen if u see my pic
[22:51] ME:: why do you want me to see your pic so bad? That’s fucking bizarre.
[22:51] davidsond65: lol
[22:52] davidsond65: well i saw your pic so let it be even
[22:52] ME:: let it be even. You’re a pip
[22:52] ME:: put it in your profile and I’ll look at it. otherwise, forget about it
[22:52] davidsond65: ok i will in photo share
[22:53] ME:: I don’t do photoshare.
[22:53] davidsond65: oh my…i dont bite on the pic
[22:53] ME:: I don’t give a fuck.
[22:53] davidsond65: its ok its clean trust me
[22:53] ME:: You can upload it to imageshack and link me or put it in your profile. it’s the only way I’ll look at it
[22:54] davidsond65: ooohhh my oh my…
[22:54] davidsond65: just a sec then close the window
[22:54] ME:: what are you talking about?
[22:54] ME:: I’m not doing a photoshare with you so get it out of your mind.
[22:54] davidsond65: about the pic
[22:55] davidsond65: youre right u dont know me
[22:56] ME:: uhm, you know what — this conversation was kind of fun and blogworthy for a while there, but it’s jumped the shark so it’s time to put you on iggy and put this in my blog, okay?
[22:57] davidsond65: no need to do that…i will be on my way gotta go to work…in the real world…anyway…ciao…have a nice day or night
[22:58] *** davidsond65 has been ignored.

Awwwwwwwwwww… did he just have to go to work without getting a wank in first? I feel so bad.

With a Little Help from Led Zeppelin

This chat ended up being really funny to me. I let about five others go today but I was feeling mean when this one struck. And he helped thing by being a total ass. At the end, when he gets fed up, he switched his font to red, italicized and underlined. It was so funny to me, I screenshotted it as proof; you can see it here. lol — I hope you’re familiar with your Led Zeppelin lyrics as you read this one.

This chat took place December 2007.

[22:15] hasana_alhassan007: HELLO
[22:15] *** Auto-response sent to hasana_alhassan007: In and out — but more out than in. Leave a message and I’ll get back to you on an innie.
[22:15] hasana_alhassan007: *BUZZ*
[22:23] ME: why the fuck are you buzzing me?
[22:23] ME: are you just an asshole or do you have reading comprehension problems?
[22:23] hasana_alhassan007: OH
[22:23] hasana_alhassan007: AM AMINU
[22:24] hasana_alhassan007: FROM WEST AFRICA GHANA
[22:24] ME: shocking
[22:24] ME: really
[22:24] ME: how exotic
[22:24] hasana_alhassan007: WELL AM 35YRS OLD
[22:24] hasana_alhassan007: U?
[22:25] ME: is there some reason why I should care how old you are?
[22:25] hasana_alhassan007: YEAH
[22:25] hasana_alhassan007: AM LOOKING FOR A SOUL MATE BABY
[22:25] ME: hahahahahahahaha
[22:25] ME: hahahahahahahahahahhaa
[22:25] ME: hahahahahahhahahahaa
[22:26] ME: well, BABY, I don’t think you’re gonna find one here.
[22:26] ME: I’m a big old lesbian.
[22:26] hasana_alhassan007: OH COOL
[22:26] hasana_alhassan007: BABY
[22:26] ME: yeah, BABY
[22:26] hasana_alhassan007: WHAT IS UR NAME?
[22:27] ME: Wilhelmena Bobina Oopentakin-Walkintalkin
[22:27] hasana_alhassan007: WOW
[22:27] hasana_alhassan007: NICE NAME BABY
[22:27] hasana_alhassan007: SO HOW OLD ARE U BABY
[22:27] ME: Depends
[22:28] hasana_alhassan007: WANTS TO KNOW HOW OLD ARE U BABY
[22:28] ME: well, BABY, I was born on Leap Year day so I’ll be celebrating my 9th birthday in 2008.
[22:29] hasana_alhassan007: WOW
[22:29] hasana_alhassan007: THAT GOOD
[22:29] hasana_alhassan007: BABY
[22:30] hasana_alhassan007: WHICH DATE OF THE YEAR 2008 ARE U COMING TO CELEBRATE UR BIRTH DAY
[22:30] hasana_alhassan007: ?
[22:30] ME: Uhm, hello, Leap Year Day — does that mean nothing to you? Are you mentally challenged? That would be February 29. duh
[22:31] hasana_alhassan007: OH I SEE
[22:31] hasana_alhassan007: VERY NICE
[22:31] ME: yeah, very nice
[22:31] ME: so nice
[22:31] ME: really fucking nice
[22:31] hasana_alhassan007: WELL WHERE DO U8 COME FROM BABY
[22:31] hasana_alhassan007: ?
[22:31] ME: I come from a land of the Ice and the Snow (And with that line, my Led Zeppelin idea was hatched)
[22:32] hasana_alhassan007: OH YEA…
[22:32] hasana_alhassan007: WHAT IS THE NAME BABY
[22:32] ME: Don’t you know your geography, BABY
[22:33] hasana_alhassan007: I KNOW
[22:34] ME: well, then you know the midnight sun where the hot springs blow
[22:34] hasana_alhassan007: OH YEA..
[22:35] hasana_alhassan007: WELL CAN I SEE U ON CAM NOW BABY
[22:35] hasana_alhassan007: U LOOK VERY NICE TO ME
[22:35] ME: uhm, no. Can’t do that.
[22:35] ME: I’m naked
[22:35] hasana_alhassan007: OH
[22:36] hasana_alhassan007: GET SOME CLOTH TO COVER UR SELF AND LET ME VIEW U
[22:36] ME: Hey, hey, Ghana, said the way you move, gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove.
[22:36] hasana_alhassan007: I WANT TO SEE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN TALKING TO ME
[22:36] hasana_alhassan007: BABY
[22:37] ME: I wanna watch your honey drip — can’t keep away
[22:38] ME: Walkin in the park just the other day, BABY, what do you, what do you think I saw?
[22:39] hasana_alhassan007: WELL BABY LET ME VIEW U OR I GO
[22:39] ME: oh gee, promise?
[22:40] hasana_alhassan007: THEN LET ME SEE U NOW
[22:40] ME: no — I want to see if you’re a man of your word. No view… let me go.
[22:41] hasana_alhassan007: I DONT HAVE CAM BABY
[22:42] ME: You better open your eyes. Folk down there really dont care, really dont care, dont care, really dont which, which way the pressure lies. So Ive decided what Im gonna do now. So Im packing my bags for the misty mountains where the spirits go now, over the hills where the spirits fly, ooh, I really dont know.
[22:43] hasana_alhassan007: OK BYE
[22:43] hasana_alhassan007: IF U DONT LET ME VIEW U NOW BABY
[22:44] ME: hahah — you keep saying that.
[22:44] ME: and yet, you’re still here!

he actually leaves here but I decide to continue to annoy him – -and it works…

[22:44] ME: If it keeps on rainin, levees goin to break,
[22:45] ME: If it keeps on rainin, levees goin to break,
[22:45] ME: When the levee breaks Ill have no place to stay.
[22:47] ME: You need coolin, baby, Im not foolin,
[22:48] hasana_alhassan007: IF SO THEN LET ME SEE U
[22:48] ME: Im gonna send you back to schoolin,
[22:48] hasana_alhassan007: OR U SHOULD DISTERPING ME
[22:49] hasana_alhassan007: WHEN BABY
[22:49] ME: Wanna whole lotta love?
Wanna whole lotta love?
Wanna whole lotta love?
Wanna whole lotta love?
[22:49] hasana_alhassan007: I WILL LIKE TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL
[22:49] hasana_alhassan007: BABY
[22:49] ME: Youve been coolin, BABY, Ive been droolin,
[22:49] ME: All the good times Ive been misusin,
[22:50] ME: Way, way down inside, Im gonna give you my love,
[22:50] ME: Im gonna give you every inch of my love,
[22:50] ME: Gonna give you my love.
[22:50] ME: Yeah! all right! lets go!
[22:51] ME: Did you get the invitiation to view my webcam? (of course, such a thing was never sent)
[22:51] hasana_alhassan007: NO BABY
[22:51] ME: hmmm.. let me try again
[22:51] hasana_alhassan007: INVITE ME BABY
[22:51] ME: there — did you get it?
[22:52] hasana_alhassan007: NO
[22:52] ME: This is pissing me off almost as bad at the time I spent my days with a woman unkind,
[22:52] ME: Dumb bitch smoked my stuff and drank all my wine.
[22:52] hasana_alhassan007: OH
[22:52] ME: ok. I invited you again. Did it work?
[22:53] hasana_alhassan007: SO U ARE FOOLING ME BABY
[22:53] ME: You need coolin, baby, Im not foolin,
[22:54] ME: Telling myself its not as hard, hard, hard as it seems.
[22:54] hasana_alhassan007: OK
[22:54] hasana_alhassan007: HAVE U MARRIWED
[22:54] hasana_alhassan007: MARRIED
[22:55] ME: I was once — I will again…. Someone told me theres a girl out there with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair.
[22:55] ME: when I meet her, I’ll marry her.
[22:56] ME: To find a queen without a king;
[22:56] ME: They say she plays guitar and cries and sings.
[22:56] ME: La la la la
[22:56] ME: Ride a white mare in the footsteps of dawn
[22:57] hasana_alhassan007: SO U ARE A MAN TALKING TO ME
[22:57] ME: Tryin to find a woman whos never, never, never been born.
[22:57] ME: no
[22:57] ME: I’m a lesbian
[22:57] ME: I told you that already you stupid douchebag
[22:57] hasana_alhassan007: FUCK U
[22:57] hasana_alhassan007: FUCK U
[22:57] hasana_alhassan007: DAM
[22:57] hasana_alhassan007: BICTH
[22:57] ME: you are so fucking retarded. I can’t believe how funny you are.
[22:58] ME: I hope you don’t mind, but I’m putting this chat up on my blog.
[22:58] ME: actually, I hope you DO mind.
[22:59] ME: Heartbreaker, your time has come,
[22:59] ME: Cant take your evil way;
[23:00] ME: Go away,
[23:00] ME: Heartbreaker.
[23:00] ME: Heartbreaker!

I Made his Protein Increase

I am fairly certain that had I not been too busy to really talk to this guy, he would have made it to my “scammers” list. As it stands though, I only got to live through his “butter them up with praise and flattery until you gain their trust” phase. The chat took place December 1, 2007.

The following all came as offline message to me the day previous to the chat:
[14:50] chrischudi5: hi
[14:50] chrischudi5: should i ad u in my list
[14:51] chrischudi5: *ding*
[14:51] chrischudi5: hello
[14:51] chrischudi5: *ding*
[14:53] chrischudi5: i hv add u now
[14:53] chrischudi5: good
[17:12] chrischudi5: Upgrade to the latest version of Yahoo! Messenger by visiting http://messenger.yahoo.com
[17:12] chrischudi5: yea
[17:12] chrischudi5: are u back
[18:00] chrischudi5: hi

And then, on December 1^st:
[17:02] chrischudi5: hi babe good looking
[17:02] Me: Hi, hunka hunka burnin’ love.
[17:02] chrischudi5: ok
[17:02] Me: ok?
[17:03] Me: I guess you’re busy. It’s ok. I’m busy counting my money anyway.
[17:03] chrischudi5: ok
[17:03] chrischudi5: how are u toady
[17:03] Me: wealthy and lonely. how are you?
[17:03] chrischudi5: am ok
[17:04] Me: well, that’s swell.
[17:04] chrischudi5: yes
[17:04] chrischudi5: how was ur weekend
[17:04] chrischudi5: how are going to enjoy
[17:04] Me: uhm. “was” or “is”?
[17:05] chrischudi5: as today is first day of chrismas
[17:05] Me: It is?
[17:05] chrischudi5: of december
[17:05] Me: Indeed, Mr. Calendar. You are correct.
[17:05] chrischudi5: ah ah
[17:06] chrischudi5: which state are u now
[17:06] Me: A state of happiness. What about you?
[17:07] chrischudi5: thesame
[17:07] chrischudi5: but in india country
[17:07] Me: Great! You probably have my old job. How do you like it?
[17:08] chrischudi5: ok
[17:09] chrischudi5: pls explain more to me about the job
[17:09] Me: you have it — you tell me!
[17:09] chrischudi5: no i never understand
[17:10] Me: no, you never do.
[17:10] chrischudi5: explain more pls
[17:10] Me: not in the mood
[17:10] chrischudi5: to understand
[17:10] chrischudi5: please
[17:10] Me: no, I think not. Talking to you is not only painful, it’s quite boring.
[17:11] chrischudi5: y
[17:12] Me: Because it just took you a full minute to type “y”
[17:12] chrischudi5: ooh
[17:12] chrischudi5: i can type fast than u
[17:12] chrischudi5: i mean it
[17:12] Me: i don’t think it will help
[17:12] chrischudi5: ok go on
[17:12] Me: what exactly is it you want from me.
[17:12] chrischudi5: now friend
[17:12] Me: I have too many friends.
[17:13] chrischudi5: ok
[17:13] chrischudi5: but add me to them
[17:13] Me: not on your life.
[17:13] chrischudi5: i want to be one of them
[17:13] Me: every time I add a friend, I have to give up one of my tricycles.
[17:13] chrischudi5: why
[17:13] chrischudi5: ok
[17:13] Me: and I’m running low
[17:13] chrischudi5: but plese
[17:13] chrischudi5: not for my onw
[17:13] chrischudi5: acept me
[17:14] Me: no, I don’t think you’re worth even a skateboard.
[17:14] chrischudi5: i will be happy
[17:14] chrischudi5: ooh
[17:14] Me: oh, well, your happiness IS quite important to me.
[17:14] chrischudi5: don say soo
[17:14] chrischudi5: yes
[17:14] chrischudi5: u make me laugh
[17:14] Me: no as much as you will make others laugh
[17:14] chrischudi5: this type of friend i need
[17:15] chrischudi5: yea
[17:15] chrischudi5: but pls try add me
[17:15] Me: nope
[17:15] chrischudi5: in ur list
[17:15] Me: nope
[17:15] chrischudi5: ok
[17:15] chrischudi5: now i hv more protein
[17:15] Me: WTF?
[17:16] chrischudi5: my blood hv now increase
[17:16] chrischudi5: more happiness
[17:16] Me: your happiness gave you a boner?
[17:16] chrischudi5: correct
[17:16] Me: you’re happy because I won’t add you and I think you’re boring and people are going to laugh at you?
[17:17] chrischudi5: why
[17:17] chrischudi5: people will be happy of me
[17:17] Me: because I’m going to blog this whole conversation, that’s why.
[17:17] chrischudi5: pls acept
[17:17] chrischudi5: me in ur list
[17:18] chrischudi5: as one of ur friend
[17:18] chrischudi5: india
[17:18] chrischudi5: type
[17:18] Me: no — but if you want to keep talking about your protein, go for it. you just keep typing. When you’re all done, I’ll copy/paste it for other’s viewing pleasure. Enjoy typing. bye.
[17:18] chrischudi5: oooh
[17:18] chrischudi5: sorry
[17:19] chrischudi5: why
[17:19] chrischudi5: pls come back
[17:19] chrischudi5: pls come back
[17:19] chrischudi5: have i say anything wrong to you
[17:21] chrischudi5: am happy to chat with you but u get annoyed easyly
[17:21] chrischudi5: not like that if i offend u tell me
[17:22] chrischudi5: so i will change my word
[17:33] chrischudi5: ok i hv added u in my list pls acept my name is chris
[17:33] chrischudi5: from africa base in india now
[17:33] chrischudi5: good night and byeee
[17:34] chrischudi5: take good care of urself ok
[17:34] *** chrischudi5 has added you to their contact list. You may choose to accept or deny this action. You may also add this user to your contact list or ignore this user.
[17:34] chrischudi5: oooh good
[17:34] chrischudi5: u ar back in
[17:34] *** You have denied access to chrischudi5.
[17:35] chrischudi5: upon i pls u to acept me yet u denied my id
[17:36] chrischudi5: ok
[17:36] chrischudi5: that is life

It’s Time to Play “Who’s more Annoying?”

And the winner of the annoying battle is ME! Yay!

I am a nice person, really I am. But there is just something about random receiving random IMs that just annoys the hell out of me and turns me into a bitch. I decided this time around to make myself more painful to talk to than the other guy to see how long it would take him to leave. Turns out, not long at all. I win!

[18:54] est_alors1975: hello
[18:54] *** Auto-response sent to est_alors1975: In and out — but more out than in. Leave a message and I’ll get back to you on an innie.
[18:54] est_alors1975: *BUZZ!!!*
[18:54] est_alors1975: ok
[18:55] est_alors1975: i am add u
[18:55] *** est_alors1975 has added you to their contact list. You may choose to accept or deny this action. You may also add this user to your contact list or ignore this user.
[18:56] *** You have denied access to est_alors1975.
[18:57] Me: what add for you why?
[18:58] est_alors1975: i want to be your friend
[18:58] Me: friendsheep fleeting is so very much, is not it?
(here I get an invitation for to view his webcam)
[19:00] Me: i not understand to need via video chat
[19:01] est_alors1975: just my cam
[19:01] Me: please i no see if walks in my husband punishments fierce follow to soon.
[19:03] est_alors1975: iam Serious
(here the webcam invitation is given again)
[19:03] Me: serious as am i so very much that to look to be would a danger of proportions painful.
[19:04] est_alors1975: no
[19:04] est_alors1975: not afraid
[19:04] Me: no for what
[19:05] Me: but afraid be me
[19:05] est_alors1975: are u maried .
[19:05] Me: yes my husband soflty walk but carry stick of large size.
[19:07] Me: so then wish you not my friendsheep longer any?
[19:08] Me: weep my eyes do clearly for another friendship great lost has been.
[19:08] est_alors1975: thanx
[19:08] est_alors1975: i wish a very good time
[19:08] est_alors1975: thanx
[19:08] Me: what thank me do you for?
[19:08] est_alors1975: and i talk to because you are very nice
[19:09] est_alors1975: but
[19:09] Me: nice say to me you do but mean be me.
[19:09] est_alors1975: i can’t talk to you
[19:09] Me: *crying*
[19:09] est_alors1975: be cause you are for an other
[19:09] Me: *suicide committing*
[19:10] est_alors1975: ok bye

Like Too Friend Ship Real

I must have amazing powers. The ease and speed at which I can created meaningful relationships full of love and promise astounds me. Take, for example, Maqsood. He was unable to hide is budding feelings. I am actually fairly certain that had I continued chatting with this idiot, he would have ended up in the “scammers” category instead of the “asshats” one.

This chat is from August 2007.

[21:56] maqsood209a: hi
[21:56] *** Auto-response sent to maqsood209a: In and out — please leave a message
[21:56] maqsood209a: how are u
[21:57] maqsood209a: i see ur pic
[21:57] maqsood209a: i want too talk dear
[21:57] maqsood209a: pls
[21:58] maqsood209a: *BUZZ*
[22:12] missfoureggs: I’m so sorry.
[22:13] missfoureggs: I was being punished and couldn’t come to the computer in time.
[22:13] maqsood209a: pls talk me
[22:13] missfoureggs: I AM talking to you.
[22:13] maqsood209a: i like u
[22:13] missfoureggs: Awww… how sweet.
[22:14] missfoureggs: It’s my sparkling personality, isn’t it?
[22:14] maqsood209a: i want u friend ship
[22:14] maqsood209a: i see ur nice look pic i like u
[22:14] maqsood209a: i need women life
[22:15] maqsood209a: i love u my heart
[22:15] maqsood209a: if u like me friend
[22:15] missfoureggs: aww… you love me long time too?
[22:15] maqsood209a: sure
[22:15] maqsood209a: u belive me
[22:15] maqsood209a: i care u very
[22:15] missfoureggs: I thank you very
[22:15] maqsood209a: @};- only u rose love
[22:15] missfoureggs: omg! that’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever emoticoted to me.
[22:16] maqsood209a: you are great women i feel
[22:16] missfoureggs: I AM great woman you right
[22:16] maqsood209a: first time see ur pic touch my heart ur look u belive i tell u honset my feeling
[22:16] maqsood209a: yes i hope u are great
[22:17] missfoureggs: the first time I see your IM my heart beat faster too
[22:17] maqsood209a: nice too meet u and thanx god fond nice women
[22:17] maqsood209a: i am honset man
[22:18] missfoureggs: oh good. i no lie either.
[22:18] maqsood209a: nice talk
[22:18] maqsood209a: what is ur good name
[22:18] missfoureggs: My good name is Eggsie. what is your good name?
[22:18] maqsood209a: nice name
[22:19] missfoureggs: too common
[22:19] maqsood209a: my good name maqsood ahamd
[22:19] missfoureggs: good good
[22:19] maqsood209a: ty ty
[22:19] maqsood209a: i am maqsood ahmad
[22:19] maqsood209a: my age 32
[22:20] missfoureggs: I am Eggsie Klevinger my age a spritely 72
[22:20] maqsood209a: ohhh very old but no problim 72 age best is my feeling for u
[22:20] maqsood209a: best is like too like right
[22:20] missfoureggs: age is only a number
[22:21] maqsood209a: no matter age best honset love
[22:21] missfoureggs: I am excellent at photoshop
[22:21] maqsood209a: yes only is numer
[22:21] missfoureggs: yes only is
[22:21] maqsood209a: yes
[22:21] missfoureggs: yes
[22:21] maqsood209a: i want u are my life friend
[22:22] missfoureggs: I want that you are my baby daddy
[22:22] maqsood209a: h have baby <— hahhahah — I think he just stuttered
[22:22] missfoureggs: w what?
[22:22] maqsood209a: tell ur life pls
[22:23] maqsood209a: where are u from
[22:23] missfoureggs: I am from a land in the middle of the sea, perhaps you have heard of it
[22:23] maqsood209a: u mean usa
[22:24] missfoureggs: hahaha hahhahahaha
[22:24] maqsood209a: pls tell me
[22:24] missfoureggs: I am from a little island called Marmeseque in the middle of hte Pacific Ocean
[22:25] maqsood209a: ok ur country name
[22:25] missfoureggs: oh my country tis of thee USA now
[22:25] maqsood209a: ok city name
[22:25] missfoureggs: Marmeduke
[22:26] missfoureggs: not to be confused with Marmelade
[22:26] missfoureggs: that’s jelly
[22:26] maqsood209a: no
[22:26] maqsood209a: i like very far from
[22:26] missfoureggs: where is your good country?
[22:26] maqsood209a: i know new yark city
[22:26] maqsood209a: pak
[22:26] missfoureggs: i see
[22:27] maqsood209a: yes
[22:27] missfoureggs: yes
[22:27] maqsood209a: can i see
[22:27] missfoureggs: I don’t know. Do you have working ocular orbits?
[22:28] maqsood209a: pls cam open i want very u see real pic
[22:28] maqsood209a: i amprech u
[22:28] missfoureggs: oh my goodness. I don’t know how to use thhose newfangled gadgets!
[22:28] maqsood209a: no mind
[22:29] maqsood209a: my english poor
[22:29] maqsood209a: but i try u undersnt
[22:29] missfoureggs: it’s ok. I’m just old.
[22:29] maqsood209a: no problim old
[22:29] maqsood209a: best is like too like
[22:29] missfoureggs: no — except when your bladder leaks into your undies.
[22:30] maqsood209a: are u marriod
[22:31] missfoureggs: Oh yes. For the 5th time. They all keep dying on me. That’s why I married a spritely 25 year old this time. He’ll take care of me.
[22:31] maqsood209a: ok
[22:31] maqsood209a: one ask u
[22:31] missfoureggs: what?
[22:32] maqsood209a: like too friend ship real
[22:32] missfoureggs: uhm, ok. (I have no idea what he was talking about here)
[22:32] maqsood209a: thanx u
[22:33] maqsood209a: add me my friend list ur id
[22:33] missfoureggs: oh dear. Here comes that nurse Ratchett with my medicine.
[22:33] missfoureggs: I have to run.
[22:33] maqsood209a: when u back
[22:33] maqsood209a: i need u very
[22:33] maqsood209a: add me pls
[22:33] *** maqsood209a has added you to their contact list. You may choose to accept or deny this action. You may also add this user to your contact list or ignore this user.
[22:34] *** maqsood209a has been ignored.

Ooops! Did I hit the wrong button at the end there??

I am a Buffalo!

This chat is from October 2006. It seriously could have continued for hours but I had to put him on ignore — he was making me nuts. He’s off the charts looney. I really hope he sought help for his anger management issues since then.

[23:03] righteous_05: h9
[23:03] *** Auto-response sent to righteous_05: In and out — but more out than in. Leave a message and I’ll get back to you on an innie.
[23:03] righteous_05: hi
[23:03] Me: h9
[23:03] righteous_05: how are u
[23:04] Me: busy
[23:04] righteous_05: ohh !
[23:04] righteous_05: with what
[23:04] Me: none of your beeswax
[23:04] righteous_05: whats up ! negga
[23:05] Me: uhm, ok
[23:05] righteous_05: what do u do in ur life
[23:06] Me: annoy people who contact me unsolicited. what do you do?
[23:06] righteous_05: mmm its my off day….
[23:06] righteous_05: thinking 2 do some thing
[23:06] righteous_05: lol
[23:06] Me: wow. good for you. have fun
[23:06] righteous_05: yeap !
[23:06] righteous_05: do u have a job
[23:06] Me: I’m a beekeeper
[23:07] righteous_05: great !
[23:07] righteous_05: do u like that ?
[23:07] Me: only when I’m not being stung
[23:08] righteous_05: nice !
[23:08] righteous_05: u look like a strong girl
[23:08] Me: yeah. I’m going to be in the olympics.
[23:09] righteous_05: are the girl who came on CNN last night ?
[23:09] righteous_05: :-O
[23:09] righteous_05: did u hit 109 men ?
[23:09] Me: excuse me?
[23:09] righteous_05: lol
[23:11] righteous_05: do u love u life
[23:11] Me: of course.
[23:11] righteous_05: cool
[23:11] righteous_05: 🙂
[23:11] righteous_05: i respect that..
[23:11] righteous_05: u said that without thinking
[23:11] righteous_05: which is so positive
[23:11] Me: well, I was sure hoping you would respect me.
[23:11] Me: gee, thanks for that.
[23:12] righteous_05: uw
[23:12] righteous_05: is it urp ic at the profile
[23:12] Me: what is an urp?
[23:12] righteous_05: pic
[23:12] righteous_05: wrongly spelled
[23:12] Me: ah, I see. yes, it’s me.
[23:13] righteous_05: but u dont look like ur 36
[23:13] Me: thanks
[23:13] righteous_05: maybe ur hiding ur age ! hey i am not saying that so u tell me that..for real…
[23:13] righteous_05: are u 36 ?
[23:13] Me: yep
[23:14] righteous_05: 🙂
[23:14] righteous_05: ur pretty girl
[23:14] righteous_05: do u have another pics ?
[23:14] Me: are you hitting on me?
[23:15] righteous_05: hitting what do u mean ..
[23:15] righteous_05: i know hitlar but not hitting
[23:15] righteous_05: lol
[23:15] Me: why do you want more pics of me for?
[23:15] righteous_05: cause i liked u !
[23:15] Me: why? I’m not even being nice.
[23:15] righteous_05: ur strong
[23:15] Me: strong like a bull
[23:16] righteous_05: :-SS
[23:16] righteous_05: dont hit me plz
[23:16] Me: yeah, whatever.
[23:16] righteous_05: lol
[23:18] righteous_05: hey are u still breathing ?
[23:18] righteous_05: lol
[23:18] Me: I think I told you at the beginning of this conversation that I’m busy
[23:18] righteous_05: and i think i told u i have not 2 end this convesation .
[23:19] Me: yeah, ok.
[23:19] Me: do I know you or are you just talking to me because my profile was interesting?
[23:19] righteous_05: the 2nd
[23:19] righteous_05: 1
[23:19] righteous_05: i think so
[23:20] Me: ok
[23:20] righteous_05: can i ask u what are u busy in ?
[23:20] Me: no
[23:20] righteous_05: mmm
[23:20] righteous_05: why ?
[23:21] Me: because it’s none of your business
[23:21] righteous_05: okay..
[23:21] righteous_05: do u think ur the only tought person at this world ?
[23:21] righteous_05: lol
[23:21] righteous_05: i tell u now now now tell me what are u busy at [-(
[23:22] Me: I’m busy trying to get you to stop talking to me so I can work.
[23:22] righteous_05: work
[23:22] righteous_05: u see there is progress
[23:22] righteous_05: what are u working at ?
[23:23] Me: I’m ordering new bees
[23:23] righteous_05: bees u make honey !
[23:24] Me: that’s what beekeepers do
[23:24] righteous_05: yeap !
[23:24] righteous_05: i have a big bee
[23:24] righteous_05: but its so lazy !
[23:24] Me: uhm, ok.
[23:25] righteous_05: am wondering if it has a place ?
[23:25] righteous_05: between ur bees !
[23:25] Me: your bee?
[23:25] righteous_05: yeap
[23:25] Me: oh my god.
[23:25] Me: should I call my husband into the room and ask him?
[23:26] righteous_05: lol
[23:26] righteous_05: no
[23:26] righteous_05: what doese ur name mean
[23:27] Me: It means “Talk like a Pirate” in Swahili
[23:27] righteous_05: Swahili
[23:27] righteous_05: Swahili
[23:27] righteous_05:
[23:27] righteous_05: hey ..
[23:27] righteous_05: where is ur cam !
[23:28] Me: In my ass.
[23:28] righteous_05: coool
[23:28] righteous_05: :))
[23:28] righteous_05: then :-& it
[23:29] righteous_05: then invite me !
[23:29] Me: you want to see my anus?
[23:30] righteous_05: anus didnt u found some thing else !
[23:30] Me: I have no idea what you are even saying.
[23:31] righteous_05: yes
[23:31] righteous_05: i want 2
[23:31] righteous_05: Me: you want to see my anus?
[23:31] Me: well, since my cam is in my ass, I don’t know what else you think you’d see.
[23:32] righteous_05: =))
[23:32] righteous_05: looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool
[23:33] righteous_05: yeap !
[23:33] righteous_05: no one can guess
[23:34] righteous_05: we would see lot of bees
[23:35] Me: what’s this “WE” of which you speak?
[23:35] Me: there is no “WE”
[23:35] righteous_05: if u say so
[23:36] righteous_05: why do i feel ur a man !
[23:37] Me: because I don’t fall for stupid meaningless flattery?
[23:37] Me: I’m not a man. I’m not gay. I have no interest in talking to you.
[23:37] righteous_05: me 2
[23:38] righteous_05: actually i hate talking 2 u not only interest
[23:38] Me: uhm, ok.
[23:38] righteous_05: actually ur every thing but not a girl
[23:40] Me: no. I’m a woman.
[23:40] righteous_05: prove it
[23:40] Me: oh, Piss off, Sparky. I don’t need to prove shit to you. if you think I’m a man, do me a favor and LEAVE
[23:41] righteous_05: i belive ur a man , and i am not leaving .
[23:41] righteous_05: and i do no fav
[23:41] righteous_05: to any 1
[23:41] righteous_05: do u understand me ?
[23:41] Me: you are so gonna get posted on my blog, dick head.
[23:41] righteous_05: or shall i say it louder
[23:41] Me: wtf? you’re a psycho.
[23:42] righteous_05: wtf ? ur buffle
[23:42] righteous_05: buffalo
[23:42] Me: I’m a buffalo???? are you fucking high?
[23:42] righteous_05: i am done with u i will say the last fucken thing
[23:42] righteous_05: open ur ass and hear !
[23:43] Me: you are such a moron.
[23:43] Me: YARRRRRRRRRR!
[23:46] Me: my ass has been open a while here — when are you going to talk?
[23:46] righteous_05: open it wider
[23:46] Me: you better hurry up and say it. I’m about to close my ass.
[23:46] righteous_05: or use ur pussy its wider
[23:46] Me: oooh. got got me there.
[23:47] Me: ouch.
[23:47] Me: ohnoz.
[23:47] righteous_05: i would put my bee there
[23:47] Me: yeah. I’m sure it probably looks like a bee.
[23:47] righteous_05: its not
[23:48] righteous_05: u would cry
[23:48] Me: I’m sure.
[23:48] righteous_05: u will
[23:48] Me: Oh, WILL I?
[23:48] righteous_05: u cant put 12inch there without crying
[23:49] Me: how the fuck would you know.
[23:49] Me: buffalo have big snatches.
[23:49] righteous_05: hhahaha
[23:49] righteous_05: and snakes has white poison
[23:49] Me: and idiots has my IM box all the damn time.
[23:49] Me: do I have a sign that says “Idiots IM me?”
[23:49] righteous_05: idiots talks to idiots only by the way
[23:50] Me: that makes no sense.
[23:50] righteous_05: it makes but maybe u cant understand that
[23:50] righteous_05: cause ur a woman
[23:50] Me: ok, Zenmaster, I’m going to work now
[23:50] Me: I thought I was a man and a buffalo?
[23:51] Me: you must be smoking crack
[23:51] righteous_05: what did u say ? piece of shit
[23:51] Me: you’re calling me a piece of shit now? ROFLMAO!
[23:51] Me: you are such a charmer.
[23:52] Me: how did this world ever get so blessed to have you on it?
[23:52] righteous_05: so blessed so some 1 will pee at some 1 grave
[23:53] Me: right!
[23:53] righteous_05: so fucken right
[23:53] righteous_05: ur are just holes
[23:53] righteous_05: u have big holes at ur body
[23:54] Me: wow
[23:54] righteous_05: that what ur !
[23:54] Me: you are like a poet!
[23:54] righteous_05: sure specially romance poets ! as these
[23:56] Me: I might just fall in love with your ass
[23:56] righteous_05: 5 holes
[23:56] Me: you have 5 holes in your ass?
[23:56] righteous_05: no
[23:56] righteous_05: thats u
[23:56] Me: wow.
[23:56] Me: ok.
[23:56] Me: is that my pet name now? Miss 5 holes?
[23:57] righteous_05: actually
[23:57] righteous_05: miss 7 holes
[23:57] righteous_05: ears x2 , pussy x1 , boob x2 , mouth x1 , ass x 1
[23:57] Me: I have holes in my boobs?
[23:58] righteous_05: yeap ! but there are smaller than u can see them
[23:58] Me: how old are you anyway, Sparky?
[23:58] righteous_05: old enought so u can call me uncle
[23:58] Me: ooh, that’s so witty
[23:58] righteous_05: wet , wet !
[23:58] righteous_05: are u wet now ?
[23:59] righteous_05: am i talking 222 sweet so u got wet !
[23:59] Me: omg. seriously, how old are you?
[23:59] righteous_05: old enought
[23:59] righteous_05: 5
[23:59] Me: you’re 5?
[23:59] righteous_05: yes’
[00:00] righteous_05: do u see me kidding ?
[00:00] righteous_05: biotch ?
[00:00] Me: I don’t talk to 5 year olds.
[00:01] righteous_05: talk ?
[00:01] righteous_05: do u call all this crap talk ?
[00:01] Me: do you need an anger management class?
[00:02] righteous_05: yes but my dr recomended me to take miss7holes with me cause IT has lot of problems so i can learn how to be a human
[00:02] Me: for a total asshole, you’re pretty funny
[00:03] righteous_05: and i have no asshole
[00:03] righteous_05: remember ur the 1 who has all these
[00:03] Me: you have no asshole?
[00:03] righteous_05: no
[00:03] Me: ha! that would explain why you are full of shit!
[00:03] righteous_05: i thought shit from my dick !
[00:04] righteous_05: wanna a shot ?
[00:04] Me: not really.
[00:04] righteous_05: good 4 u u would have another hole
[00:05] Me: wow. I feel so much smarter from having met you.
[00:05] righteous_05: thats why crazy ppl stay crazy they think are good
[00:05] righteous_05: *there are good
[00:06] Me: you know a lot of crazy people, I take it.
[00:06] Me: roommates in the bin with you?
[00:06] righteous_05: 1- learn how to express what ur saying
[00:06] righteous_05: no ur the 1st 1
[00:07] righteous_05: Me: you know a lot of crazy people, I take it.
[00:07] Me: ok. let me express what I’m saying. You are a loser. You are boring me. I’m about to put you on ignore and post you on my blog. How is that for me expressing myself.
[00:07] righteous_05: i think u feel u lost
[00:07] righteous_05: >:D<
[00:08] Me: yes, I’m lost.
[00:08] Me: lost without you.
[00:09] righteous_05: damn!
[00:09] righteous_05: i thought i will marry u
[00:09] Me: I’m already married
[00:09] righteous_05: in a secret way
[00:09] righteous_05: 😉
[00:10] righteous_05: i will try not to eat onion when we will do that
[00:10] righteous_05: =))
[00:11] Me: what does that MEAN???
[00:11] righteous_05: it means u will not smell bad smells
[00:12] Me: ok… you are a complete psycho. I’m growing bored with you.
[00:12] righteous_05: lool
[00:12] Me: time for the ignore button.
[00:12] Me: bye.
[00:12] *** righteous_05 has been ignored.

HE CAME BACK WITH A DIFFERENT SCREEN NAME!!! HAHA! AND HE’S PISSED…

[00:16] damination_a_day: hi there
[00:16] *** Auto-response sent to damination_a_day: In and out — but more out than in. Leave a message and I’ll get back to you on an innie.
[00:16] damination_a_day: what is this answering machine ?
[00:17] damination_a_day: okay i have this message for u : a little message which i hope will fuck u slut !
[00:17] damination_a_day: mother fucker ur bitch and slut i can see ur poor , ur used to hear bad words from ur childhood so u became a bitch a perfect bitch , u married a loser u thought ur life will be diffrent but suddenly u begun 2 know ur a bitch from the street so ur just a street girl !!!! i give u hails from ur lord slave : ur lord ! the lord is me…bitch i will cum at ur used tits ! how many men played with ur tits? can u tell me? so ur just some thing to be used …when u got old no body is looking at u…..mother fucker …IgNoReD have a fucken life :-*
[00:17] *** damination_a_day has been ignored.

I was Molesting Him with My Bussy

This guy deserved everything he got. I tried really hard to make him go away and he just wouldn’t.

[19:49] lexzydos: *BUZZ!*
[19:49] *** Auto-response sent to lexzydos: In and out — but more out than in. Leave a message and I’ll get back to you on an innie.
[19:49] Me: hello
[19:49] lexzydos: ok
[19:49] Me: who is this?
[19:49] lexzydos: how are you
[19:49] Me: do I know you?
[19:50] lexzydos: i m michel looking for a relationship
[19:50] Me: I am married and not looking for anything.
[19:50] Me: goodbye
[19:50] lexzydos: do you care to chat
[19:51] Me: not really
[19:51] lexzydos: ok
[19:51] lexzydos: why
[19:51] lexzydos: *BUZZ!*
[19:51] Me: why would I want to chat with you? If you can give me 3 good reasons, I’ll chat
[19:51] lexzydos: how are you doing
[19:51] Me: and if you fucking hit that buzzer again, I’ll put you on ignore.
[19:52] lexzydos: ok
[19:54] lexzydos: i am divorced and need a relationship cos am all alone and dont have any body to talk to in here thats why i decide to chat may be i can find some one to talk with
[19:54] Me: aww, poor you.
[19:54] Me: you make me sad.
[19:54] lexzydos: and hope to see someone to keep me bussy
[19:54] Me: can you talk like a pirate?
[19:54] lexzydos: how
[19:54] Me: did you mean bussy or pussy?
[19:55] Me: just say “yarrrr…. shiver me timbers” or something.
[19:55] lexzydos: pussy how
[19:55] Me: you said you wanted someone to keep you bussy
[19:55] Me: wondered what you meant
[19:55] lexzydos: are you there
[19:55] Me: uhm, duh, yeah.
[19:56] lexzydos: are you intrested to chat with me or you want to talk pussy
[19:56] Me: that’s a weird question.
[19:56] lexzydos: i dont wanna talk pussy
[19:56] lexzydos: ok
[19:56] Me: ok.
[19:56] Me: I don’t either.
[19:56] Me: I was just trying to figure out what you were saying.
[19:56] Me: I want to talk pirate.
[19:56] Me: yarrr.
[19:57] lexzydos: ok
[19:57] lexzydos: how do we do that
[19:57] lexzydos: *BUZZ!*
[19:57] Me: just keep saying “Yarr”
[19:57] Me: you just buzzed me again.
[19:57] Me: goodbye.
[19:57] lexzydos: sorry
[19:57] lexzydos: pls come and talk to me
[19:58] Me: about what?
[19:58] lexzydos: [-(
[19:58] Me: why would you want to talk to me?
[19:58] Me: and I still haven’t heard a “Yarrrr!” out of you. I’m waiting, Michael.
[19:58] lexzydos: maybe you can make me happy a little bit
[19:58] Me: I don’t make people happy. I make them cry. It’s what makes me happy.
[19:59] lexzydos: talk something intimate
[19:59] Me: you should probably hit up someone friendlier.
[19:59] Me: something intimate?
[19:59] Me: wtf are you talking about?
[19:59] lexzydos: yes
[19:59] Me: say YARRR
[19:59] lexzydos: relationship
[19:59] Me: I’m MARRIED
[19:59] lexzydos: wow
[20:00] Me: wow what? I told you that like 5 minutes ago.
[20:00] lexzydos: its nice
[20:00] lexzydos: yes
[20:00] Me: uhm, yeah.
[20:00] Me: You know what really turns me on?
[20:00] lexzydos: but you seems somehow stricts
[20:01] lexzydos: what
[20:01] Me: smart guys.
[20:01] Me: big brains.
[20:01] lexzydos: how
[20:01] Me: and I’m just not getting turned on by you. Why would that be, I wonder.
[20:01] lexzydos: ok
[20:02] lexzydos: so tell me are you willing to talk something serious with me
[20:02] Me: Michael. I have asked you to do some things for me and you have failed on all counts.
[20:02] Me: I asked you talk like a pirate — you didn’t.
[20:03] Me: I asked you to give me 3 reasons why I should talk to you — you didn’t.
[20:03] Me: I asked you to not buzz me again — you did.
[20:03] Me: I don’t know why I should waste any more of my precious time on you.
[20:04] lexzydos: i told you i need a companoin now that my wfe and i just divorce cos she slep with my housemate
[20:04] Me: why did she do that? Weren’t you any good in bed?
[20:04] lexzydos: no
[20:05] Me: I figured.
[20:05] lexzydos: i traveld on business trip and b4 i know what was going on it was late
[20:05] lexzydos: i cant just belive it
[20:06] Me: you know what? I’ll give you a chance to redeem yourself. If you won’t talk like a pirate, will you at least bark like a dog?
[20:06] lexzydos: why
[20:07] Me: It would make me happy. Do you want me to be happy?
[20:07] lexzydos: yes
[20:07] lexzydos: why not
[20:07] Me: then bark like a dog for me!
[20:07] Me: I’m waiting!
[20:08] lexzydos: no i cant
[20:08] Me: why not?
[20:08] lexzydos: are you molesting me
[20:09] Me: does it feel like I’m molesting you?
[20:09] Me: you are bizzare.
[20:09] lexzydos: byeeeeeeeeeee
[20:09] Me: thank you!
[20:10] lexzydos: ok

He Bachelor!

Not some of my better work ,but, eh, here it is. Ladies, he’s a bachelor – . Go get him!

Session Start (Me:abdelhadi58a): Fri Sep 15 16:07:23 2006
[16:07] abdelhadi58a: hello
[16:07] Me: hi
[16:11] abdelhadi58a: are you happy?
[16:11] Me: It just took you 4 minutes to type 3 words???
[16:12] abdelhadi58a: OK
[16:12] abdelhadi58a: ARE YOU RACEST
[16:13] Me: No. Is this a test?
[16:13] abdelhadi58a: OK
[16:13] Me: I just hope you’re not blonde.
[16:13] Me: I’m blondist.
[16:13] abdelhadi58a: ARE YOU BARRED?
[16:14] Me: Barred from what?
[16:14] abdelhadi58a: IAM FROM MOROCCO
[16:14] Me: ok.
[16:14] Me: Well, good for you.
[16:15] abdelhadi58a: AIM BACHELOR
[16:15] Me: I am happily married.
[16:15] abdelhadi58a: OK
[16:15] abdelhadi58a: GOOD
[16:16] abdelhadi58a: ARE YOU BARRRD?
[16:16] Me: What does Barrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd mean?
Session Close (abdelhadi58a): Fri Sep 15 19:53:00 2006

Session Start (Me:abdelhadi58a): Thu Sep 28 20:34:02 2006 (YES! This is almost 2 weeks later)
[20:34] abdelhadi58a: hello
[20:34] *** Auto-response sent to abdelhadi58a: In and out — please leave a message
Session Close (abdelhadi58a): Thu Sep 28 20:34:11 2006

Session Start (Me:abdelhadi58a): Thu Sep 28 20:34:42 2006
[20:34] abdelhadi58a: OK
[20:34] *** Auto-response sent to abdelhadi58a: In and out — please leave a message
Session Close (abdelhadi58a): Thu Sep 28 20:34:47 2006

Session Start (Me:abdelhadi58a): Thu Sep 28 20:35:22 2006
[20:35] abdelhadi58a: ARE YOU BARRED?
[20:35] *** Auto-response sent to abdelhadi58a: In and out — please leave a message
[20:35] Me: barred from WHAT?
[20:36] abdelhadi58a: I BACHELOR
[20:36] Me: I married.
[20:36] abdelhadi58a: IAM FROM MOROCCO
[20:36] Me: Iam not.
[20:36] abdelhadi58a: THEANK YOU
[20:36] Me: for what?
[20:37] abdelhadi58a: OK
[20:37] abdelhadi58a: YOU BERRD
[20:37] Me: berrd?
[20:37] abdelhadi58a: I BACHELOR
[20:37] Me: I married.
[20:38] abdelhadi58a: OK
[20:38] abdelhadi58a: I LIVE A LONE
[20:38] Me: I with with my husband, kids and bees.
[20:39] abdelhadi58a: OK
[20:39] abdelhadi58a: YOU ARE BETIFUL
[20:39] Me: well, thanks.
[20:40] abdelhadi58a: WT
[20:40] Me: what does WT mean?
[20:40] abdelhadi58a: ACN SEE PLZ
[20:40] Me: see what?
[20:40] abdelhadi58a: OK
[20:40] Me: Ok what? What do you want to see?
[20:43] Me: Hello? I thought you wanted to see something? Did you leave?
[20:43] Me: are you ill?
[20:43] Me: SHould I call a doctor?
[20:43] Me: You have me so worried!
[20:43] Me: please say you are ok!
[20:43] Me: Oh dear!
[20:43] Me: And here I thought I’d finally met my soul mate
[20:43] Me: and he dies while I’m talking to him.
[20:43] Me: this is a travesty.
[20:44] abdelhadi58a: >:D<
[20:44] Me: YOU’RE ALIVE!
[20:44] abdelhadi58a: OK
[20:44] abdelhadi58a: YES
[20:47] Me: Well ,somehow I find you dull again. Perhaps absense makes the heart grow fonder.
[20:48] Me: so on that note, farewell.
[20:48] *** abdelhadi58a has been ignored.

James the “Bussines Man”

YAY me! I got ANOTHER fucking idiot. Let me make one thing perfectly clear. I do NOT go into chat rooms. I do not troll for morons. These idiots just keep IMing me out of the blue. I’m blessed I suppose. This one is particularly stupid. I included a screen cap of his profile – I wonder what catalog he picked that picture up from. Enjoy.

(for the record, he has since updated his profile a bit — but he still has business spelled wrong)

Here’s

[23:06] james_llaw2000: *ding*
[23:06] *** Auto-response sent to james_llaw2000: I am currently away from the computer.
[23:06] james_llaw2000: ok
[23:06] james_llaw2000: where are u now
[23:07] james_llaw2000: *ding*
[23:07] Me: why do you care?
[23:07] Me: DONT FUCKING DING ME!
[23:07] james_llaw2000: wooo
[23:07] james_llaw2000: hello
[23:07] james_llaw2000: how are u doing today
[23:08] Me: ok. who are you?
[23:08] james_llaw2000: are u there
[23:08] james_llaw2000: *ding*
[23:08] james_llaw2000: am james
[23:08] james_llaw2000: from uk
[23:08] james_llaw2000: 40 m
[23:08] james_llaw2000: u
[23:08] Me: You just dinged me again.
[23:08] Me: one more time and you on iggy
[23:08] Me: got it?
[23:09] james_llaw2000: got what
[23:09] Me: Do you understand.
[23:09] Me: if you ding me again, you’re DONE
[23:09] james_llaw2000: how
[23:10] Me: How? I will ignore you, that’s how.
[23:10] Me: what is it that makes you IM me out of the blue for no apparent reason this fine evening?
[23:10] james_llaw2000: why now
[23:10] Me: what? Do you speak English?
[23:11] james_llaw2000: yess
[23:11] Me: then why do you seem to have such a hard time understanding me?
[23:11] james_llaw2000: i can
[23:11] Me: ok. And you’re going to pretend that the picture in your profile is you as well?
[23:12] james_llaw2000: yess
[23:12] Me: do you think I was born yesterday?
[23:12] james_llaw2000: that is me james
[23:12] james_llaw2000: how
[23:12] Me: yeah, James. The business man?
[23:12] james_llaw2000: yess
[23:12] james_llaw2000: that is me
[23:12] james_llaw2000: ok
[23:12] james_llaw2000: u
[23:12] Me: Most business men know how to spell business. You spelled it bussines on your profile.
[23:13] james_llaw2000: yess
[23:13] james_llaw2000: how abut it
[23:13] Me: oh, so you did it on purpose?
[23:13] Me: you don’t even know how to spell what you do?
[23:13] james_llaw2000: yess
[23:13] james_llaw2000: teach me
[23:13] james_llaw2000: ok
[23:14] Me: teach you what?
[23:14] Me: Why don’t you go to a chat room for people who need help spelling their occupations.
[23:14] james_llaw2000: me my business
[23:15] Me: much better.
[23:15] Me: quick learner
[23:15] james_llaw2000: ty
[23:15] james_llaw2000: u are so hard on me why
[23:16] Me: You IM’d me out of the blue. I’m not in a chat room. What makes you think I want to chat with a stranger who is also a liar?
[23:16] james_llaw2000: so u are calling me a liar
[23:16] james_llaw2000: why
[23:17] Me: Tell the truth — what is your occupation?
[23:17] james_llaw2000: am a business man
[23:17] Me: what is your business?
[23:17] james_llaw2000: buy and sell
[23:17] Me: I buy and sell too.
[23:18] james_llaw2000: i buy part and sell
[23:18] james_llaw2000: u
[23:18] Me: you buy PARTS?
[23:18] james_llaw2000: u hard at me
[23:18] james_llaw2000: yess
[23:18] Me: do you know that yes is spelled with one s?
[23:19] james_llaw2000: yeap
[23:19] Me: Do you want something from me?
[23:19] james_llaw2000: yess
[23:19] james_llaw2000: and that thing is great
[23:20] Me: what thing is great? What the BLUE FUCK are you talking about?
[23:20] james_llaw2000: yes the blue fuck is u ineed
[23:21] Me: you need ME?
[23:21] Me: hhahaha! that’s a laugh.
[23:21] Me: are you a masochist?
[23:21] james_llaw2000: yes
[23:21] james_llaw2000: i do
[23:22] Me: sigh you are so painful to talk to and I, my “friend,” am NOT a masochist.
[23:22] james_llaw2000: :))
[23:22] Me: will you do me a favor?
[23:22] james_llaw2000: what
[23:22] Me: talk like a pirate
[23:22] james_llaw2000: woo
[23:22] james_llaw2000: that is good
[23:22] Me: woo? that’s an owl.
[23:23] Me: I mean a PIRATE
[23:23] Me: can you say, “Yarrrrr, shiver me timbers”
[23:23] james_llaw2000: why
[23:23] Me: why not?
[23:23] james_llaw2000: that
[23:23] Me: you IM’d me, remember?
[23:23] james_llaw2000: yes
[23:24] james_llaw2000: becuse i need u
[23:24] Me: so, masochist, talk like a fucking pirate.
[23:24] james_llaw2000: u too
[23:24] Me: no
[23:24] james_llaw2000: yes
[23:25] james_llaw2000: fucking dubble
[23:25] james_llaw2000: that is what u are
[23:25] Me: sigh – -I don’t hear any YARRRRs
[23:25] james_llaw2000: *ding*
[23:25] Me: YOU FUCKING DINGED ME AGAIN
[23:25] Me: welcome to the Ignore button, dickhead!
[23:25] james_llaw2000: u hear it now
[23:25] james_llaw2000: *ding*
[23:26] *** james_llaw2000 has been ignored.

Meet Prince King Dork of Assholvia

I’ve been contacted by Royalty. Don’t you wish you were so special. This one is particularly stupid — and that’s saying something…

His profile is blank.

Session Start (Me:prince_honey_man): Sun Sep 10 12:26:42 2006
[12:26] prince_honey_man: hi
[12:26] *** Auto-response sent to prince_honey_man: I am currently idle.
[12:26] prince_honey_man: how are u
[12:26] prince_honey_man: ok
[12:26] *** prince_honey_man has added you to their contact list. You may choose to accept or deny this action. You may also add this user to your contact list or ignore this user.
[12:27] prince_honey_man: hi
[12:27] prince_honey_man: how are u
[12:27] prince_honey_man: are u there
[12:27] prince_honey_man:
[12:31] *** You have denied access to prince_honey_man.
[12:31] Me: is there something you want?
[12:31] *** prince_honey_man has added you to their contact list. You may choose to accept or deny this action. You may also add this user to your contact list or ignore this user.
[12:31] *** You have denied access to prince_honey_man.
[12:35] Me: are you retarded or something?
Session Close (prince_honey_man): Sun Sep 10 12:48:35 2006

Here I thought that was the end of it and the poor Prince wouldn’t be worthy of my blog, but then, to my surprise, he returned the next day!

Session Start (Me:prince_honey_man): Mon Sep 11 12:44:04 2006
[12:44] prince_honey_man: hi
[12:44] prince_honey_man: how are u
[12:48] Me: are you serious?
[12:49] prince_honey_man: ok
[12:49] Me: Ok what?
[12:49] prince_honey_man: plz ur name now
[12:50] Me: Francesca Babushska. Please your name…. NOW!
[12:50] prince_honey_man: are u there
[12:50] prince_honey_man: plz ur name
[12:50] Me: no. My spirit is typing for me.
[12:50] Me: can you not read?
[12:50] prince_honey_man: plz
[12:51] Me: Plz what? I already told you. My name is Francesca Babushka.
[12:54] prince_honey_man: ok
[12:54] prince_honey_man: plz i am prince
[12:54] prince_honey_man: and can we be friend
[12:55] Me: hahah! You are a Prince? Well, hot diggidy! Prince of what?
[12:56] prince_honey_man: king
[12:56] Me: Oh! you are King now? Wow. Did your dad just die in the last couple seconds?
[12:57] prince_honey_man: plz
[12:57] Me: plz WHAT?
[12:59] prince_honey_man: *ding*
[12:59] Me: DING WHAT!?!?! What the hell do you want from me?
[12:59] Me: you’re the one who’s not talking!
[12:59] Me: Dayum, you must be Prince King Honey of Stupidville.
[13:00] prince_honey_man: plz i talk
[13:00] Me: whatever
[13:00] prince_honey_man: plz can u tell me about ur self
[13:01] Me: I’m a one armed, one legged hermaphrodite with a lazy eye. plz can u tell me abut UR self?
[13:01] prince_honey_man: ok
[13:02] prince_honey_man: plz i am king and i am in love with some woman that the woman is dad
[13:02] Me: Your dad is a woman and you love her/him?
[13:02] prince_honey_man: plz
[13:03] Me: Does “plz” mean “brb I have to pee” or something in your country?
[13:03] Me: you keep saying it an then nothing
[13:04] Me: Uhm, ok then Mr. No-Talkie. Cya around I guess.
[13:05] Me: Before I go, can you do me a favor and type, “Yarrrr! Shiver me timbers!”
[13:05] Me: plz
[13:07] Me: fine then, bye.
[13:11] Me: You’re just ignoring me because I only have one arm and one leg.
[13:11] Me: Hater!
[13:12] *** prince_honey_man has been ignored.